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The Matter of Bullying

Bullying and victimization is a common and often accepted form of violence that exists in most schools. It is also surprising how often parents allow - or don't even see - mild forms of bullying at home.

There is a range of bully-victim behavior, from lethal violence to relatively subtle, but socially and emotionally toxic forms of ongoing teasing, abuse, scapegoating and exclusion. Often, children, educators and parents alike believe that we can and need to accept these behaviors as a part of growing up.

What is bullying? Bullying is intentional, repeated hurtful acts, words or other behavior, such as name-calling, threatening and/or shunning committed by one or more children against another. In fact, there is never just a bully. There is always a victim and a by-stander (Twemlow, Fonagy, Sacco, 2001). We cannot have a bully without a victim and visa versa. In our schools, homes and communities, others consistently see bullying and victimization. These bystanders can remain passive or be empowered to become people who stand up and say, "This is not acceptable!"

How can adults help children from becoming victims of bullying?

• Have ongoing conversations at school and home regarding the importance of respecting oneself and others.
• Have explicitly stated and consistently communicated "rules" about bullying at home.
• Decide that all children, educators and parents will not be passive by-standers. Decide to 'stand up' and say "no" to bullying and victimization.
• Consider setting aside time to periodically reflect on moments when we saw bullying and victimization. Learn from experience by talking about what made possible to stand up or made us feel that we had to be a passive by-stander.
• Help each child develop a sense of his or her own personal power and sense of self worth.
• Teach children to stand up for themselves to show that they are not afraid of bullies.
• Help children know when to absorb, ignore, and walk away from insults and threats.
• If a child is being harassed, encourage him or her to speak to a caring adult about the problem.

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